Look For The Girl With A Broken Smile

Vanity..It kills.

Lets face it somehow all of life for young people and adults revolves around your apprearance both outside and in..but mainly your outer shell. Theres no more primary school liking someone simply because you do or getting a modelling job because you have a Bubbly Personality! No. Just NO.

You judge a book by its cover no matter how many times you promise yourself you won't.

"That guy is so hot" "I wish i had her legs"

Issues with my weight and apperance have been a big stuggle in my growing up these past 3 years. I went from really skinny, almost sickeningly and trying to put on weight to look healthy. I long for a flat tummy and no matter how much people tell me I don't need to be a gym bunny or go running im determined to do it. Im not trying to lose weight. Just tone up my muffin top into a flat stomach.

Im self concious, badly and this means my clothes do not have pairs of shorts in them. Im not overally confident in anything short around my legs and baring tummy tops.

My skin is horrendous with the amount of makeup i ice on sometimes but im not going to lie.its like a mask to hide behind because im so insecure. I will never like the way I look..Theres always something to pick at.

To try and boost my confidence with appearance i entered Teen Queen Uk the other day which is a beauty pagent for 16-19 year olds living in the UK.Eventhough the judges look at your photograph on who to dump and save I still want to give it a go.

I watch Gok Wan how to look good naked and wonder why the heck someone who hates their appearance so much wants go go on tv like that. But then it hits home, They want exactly what so many people crave, The confidence to walk around and be proud to be them no matter what they look like. To feel good in their own skin which is something Ive definately not come to terms with.

Constant comparrisons to others and criticising myself will not help me but It comes naturally to me. When I walk past sea's of people my age they look flawless I however look like utter devastation beside them.

There was a story of a seven year old girl who exercised to lose weight, Only seven!, Her parents took all her exercising equiptment away, Skipping ropes and such. But she didn't stop. Desperate to lose weight she ran up and down the stairs and did star jumps. SEVEN YEARS OLD.

This is what the world has come to...

They'll never use someone with acne on Vogue.


Peace & Love

Terri

Curiousity May Have Killed The Cat....

.....But What The Flip Was He/She Looking For?

Its Summer...!

Full of vaious banterous sessions with friends and family but another year of trying to "Make It Into The Big Bad World" over.

Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes,
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Moments so dear.
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure, measure a year?

In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights
In cups of coffee
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.

In five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure
A year in the life?

~Seasons Of Love From RENT the movie

These lyrics really hit home for me the other day when I was presenting a cheque to a friends mother who passed away a year ago and It really made me stop and think of all that Ive achieved this year and what i still have to make happen.

I mean he was the same age as me at the time and had only recieved his driving licence when he died. His one love cars & he never got the chance to drive his own. Although he never let it show im sure he was scared but his drive and happiness with life never hindered his feelings. He lived life to the full and he always strived to achieve his dreams..no matter how big.

You can dream big or small. But live to achieve them.

Peace Love & Sunnies

Terri, x

A New Chapter~Give Thanks

Pop Tarts and bad stomachs

Thats my day, today. Pretty much my best friend had a bad tummy ache lets just say..and was incapable of using 'The Little Boy's Room' In school. He then achieved using it for the first time in his life today, He made me proud and then bought us all pop tarts later.

This is what I base my life on..The bant.

The Family & The Friends that will always be there for me and forgetting the ones who didn't stick around.

The past remains the past unless...it was great craic'.

I talked in assembly this morning about memories and great friends ill leave behind at school to begin a new chapter.

But what i really need to focus on is thanks. I don't think i thank enough.

Do you say thank you to the person who holds open doors for you?
What about your mum and dad?
Or Your teachers?
The person who gave you inspiration or hope?

This is my chance to put it here in cybertext black and white to say thank you because if you're reading this you care, You probobally know me, probobally not.

The memories ill leave behind at my time at school were for sure the greatest for now and im scared but excited at the prospect of what lies ahead. The next chapter in the legacy to sound cool and slightly beezer.

These are my thank you's:

Mummy and dad: Stuck by me for 18 years and gave me life, Had some bad times but they don't outbalance the good.

Grandmommy's & Pappy's: All up there with 'The big dude' as dena called God one time but still making sure im doing it all the right way's, Granny Fisher..I never did wash dishes at home it was saved for your house.

Peter: Been so many memories that would take so long to type and cannot recall the amount of times ive cried on the phone or on your shoulder. You make me smile everyday and i still don't know how i deserved a person as awesome as you. We'll hopefully be racing motor scooters and have tales to tell when we're in our 80's of the adventures we had. Changed me for the better and not only my boyfriend but my best friend apart from wilson.

I Love You and thank You for the 7 years ive known you, Wish you would have asked me out sooner you scaredy cat!.

Wilson Nigel Lynn: You're a deep man and you don't even know it. Inspirational and who always has your back. This man's gonna rock the moving image or graphic design industry. My best friend (Apart From Pete) and one that i will always have good memories of.

Thank You for our deep talks, Car Cruises and your listening ear.

Carrie, Dena & Tyler: Theres sibling rivalry but you guys are the best to come home to sometimes.

Im sorry if i missed anyone but in general id like to say thanks to anyone who ever thought about me or did a good deed on my behalf. You all know who you are and i appreciate it so much.


Peace and Love

Terri x

Im 18..And Don't Know What Love Is.

I find it easier to sit and stare
Than push my limbs out towards you right there
My heart is bursting in your perfect eyes
As blue as oceans and as pure as skies

I believe that these lyrics couldn't be a better discription of my relationship with my boyfriend whom i love with all my heart and soul yet he will probobally never know, as nothing can put it into words.

I've never met someone so outpoken but yet so shy when it came to asking me out on a date or as his girlfriend for that matter, hence the lyrics. They are also from a popular snow patrol song Spitting Games his favorite band who i am taking him to see for his birthday. "As blue as oceans and as pure as skies" both our eyes are blue and he always comments about mine as they can change colour very quickly and his..well they're definately cat's eyes for sure.

I don't believe in love at first sight, I don't believe in judging by appearance and I do believe that however you fall in love with someone for who they are and not who you first percieved them or they're trying to be.

Im 18 and in no postition to try and preach about love and all the in's and out's of it all but im sure when i get married and hold my own child in my arms ill truly know what love is.

But for definate im sure that im not 'Lusting' at this precise moment in time because i don't know what i would do if something happened to peter (My Boyfriend) and i indeed feel protected and safe when im around him.

Im not going to be cheesy but I get a boost of happiness and slight butterflies when i see him after a long time of him being away. And i love the one liners and cute saying's he comes off with when its just me and him.

I spoil him a little too much so when he buys dinner i love to not have to pay, Its great! and its even better when he makes it from scratch. Especially the shepards pie he made on valintines day.

Life for me couldn't be better without family, friends and Pete.

This one's dedicated to you. 2 and a half years boyo and certainly more to come.

LOVE LIFE.
Peace
Terri x

Nothings Going Right, Everythings A Mess & No-One Like's To Be Alone

I'm looking for a place
I'm searching for a face
Is anybody here I know?
'Cause nothing's going right
And everything's a mess
And no one likes to be alone

Isn't anyone tryin' to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home?
It's a damn cold night
I try to figure out this life
Won't you take me by the hand?
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I'm, I'm with you
I'm with you.

You Ever Felt that you could be floating in a sea of people but yet still feel so alone?

There's times that i really hate to be alone but i guess that's how it rolls.
In my 70's i could be alone with an absurd amount of cats.


BEH. I hate being pessimistic.

Peace,

Terri

Everybody Needs Inspiration...Everybody Needs A Song..

In a way better mood than last night but still fed up with school but:

I was looking through quotes that have inspired me perviously and came across one from one of my favorite Tv Shows, One Tree Hill.

"Did you ever look at a picture of yourself and see a stranger in the background? It makes you wonder how many people have pictures of you, how many moments of other people's lives we've been in. Were we part of someone's life when their dream came true, or were we there when their dreams died? Did we keep trying to get in, as if we were somehow destined to be there? Or did the shot take us by surprise? Just think, you could be a big part of someone else's life, and not even know it"

The quote really makes me think about whether i have inspired or am a role model for someone and where i want to go in the future. You really don't know where you're going to be and who you're going to be friends with. I don't know is i'll be in the gutter or in the stars and thats the beauty of it.

When i was talking to one of my dear friends who always inspires me we chatted about life and love and how we don't know really what we want to do with our lives, we're just choosing paths and going down them. I know what i want in life and where i want to be in ten years so now is when i have to make it happen.

I want to make an Impact
Succeed In the film/radio/tv/theatre industry
Get Married
Get A House
Travel The World (Japan, America, New Zealand)
Have two kids

But none of it will be possible without hard work and dedication and thats why i put all of my energy into what i love to do.

Has there been anyone that has inspired you?


Peace, Love & Oreo's

Terri x

Well Here It Goes..

My First Post On A Blog..Wow.

Im so new to this whole be honest and type what you feel thing so im gonna take a while to sorta get ajusted but yeah so far most of the time this week ive been moderately happy. I went to portaferry which is on the coast of Northern Ireland around an hour in the car away from where i live and i love spending time there with my boyfriend of two and a half years and his family. Then straight after i hate going home because i really don't know when i'll see him again. Im not going to be one of these girls who swoons over boys but at the same time when you share your time and memories with someone so close to you its hard to say goodbye and never know when you get to hug them and talk honestly to him/her again. Im not in one but id still like to think that it's sorta like a long distance relationship as i don't drive and neither does he..but he's learning.

Anyway thats pants.

I dyed my hair for the second time too hoping that somehow..I'd feel a tad better about myself and the most important person doesn't like it.

Thats also pants..

Arguements constantly

Mega pants...

But on the plus side ive took all the times where ive cried and laughed out loud and put it all into my one passion..Acting.


I hope that maybe someday i'll make an impact in the industry eventhough most of the time people look at it as a one way ticket to failure. Im determined to make it in this very crazy and ever-changing enviroment I live in. Its gonna be hard but yet nothings ever easy.

I'm coming towards the end of my reign as head girl in my school and it has most definately been a learning experience and one that i will most certainly learn from.
te
I've learnt that im a pushover. I give in too easily and i let people walk all over me because i hate to see that people aren't satisfied by what i do. And most of the time im frightened to stand up to people because im always used to happy smiles and laughter but as the maroon 5 quote says:

"Its Not always rainbows and butterflies"

Well...My wee head's melted so im gonna listen to my ipod for a while and tune out and im never usually this gloomy..infact i kinda hate this feeling so im sleeping it off. Tell you what though..getting steamin' never seemed so good.


Peace and Love,


Terri x